So here I am again. It took quite a while, but that's not a problem - the thinking, the feeling continues. I am constantly swung between a feeling of 'maybe they are all right and it is time to move on' and a stubborn feeling of hanging on to my feelings for her. But I know that when we will meet again in person - less than two months from now if all goes well - I will be totally, totally into her again. And I know that I don't want to give in.


But I want to be happy, too. And I'm not very happy right now - there is always that 'I've lost her' feeling in the background - or not so in the background on bad days. I keeps me from flying high, keeps me down. Somehow it prevents me from being myself and - especially - being happy with who I am.


Yes, like we said, I., a couple of weeks ago - it is crucial that we know who we are ourselves, and that we are happy with who we are. Our little theory that this is why so many relations fail nowadays, because people are much too busy all the time, they don't take the time to get to know and accept themselves, might very well be true.